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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Patten Revisited (Recipe Cards #25)

Hello!! I havent done a recipe card post in a while. Against my better judgement, I ordered the Marguerite Patten cards again and from looking through them, I realized I am just beginning. I bought the set again because for some reason, I get the most recipe requests for the ones I depict whether it's here or on my FB page. 

Because of this particular recipe card set, I also got my first negative review. I remember that January day like it was yesterday: I was delayed flying out of O'hare (always) and we, meaning myself and the elderly man next to me who deemed it necessary to shoulder surf, came across a pending comment. I was given the here to and what for saying that I wouldn't like it if someone made fun of my life's work and it's ironic that I don't like to cook but can say such mean things about this "poor 94 year old woman." Seriously? I'm not a foodie, I'm not a chef, and I don't care who authored the cards. If it looks like it belongs on my blog, it's going to be on my blog. That's why I consider my work that of satire. It's not supposed to be taken serious! And if I am 94 and some little whipper snapper wants to make fun of my life's work, then look me up in about 56 years. I'll do it with you!!

Anyway, getting back to the cards. I've tried not to repeat the ones used in previous entries. For more on that, click on Marguerite Patten on my sidebar and you will find the other entries. 

I'm not a coffee drinker, so for the coffee lovers out there this question is for you. Would you? Does coffee and orange go together?
I want all of you to leave with the impression that this is just cooked hare with cutesy little hearts on top of it. Don't think of it as a jointed hare made in a sauce of its own blood, a puree of its own liver. Just think of it as a hare dish. Not that it's any better. And maybe this is gourmet fun for some. I don't know.
This little card caused many in the Blogosphere and Pinterest world to collectively gag, gasp, and come looking for more recipes like this. I'm sure they found many. A can of Veg-All sprinkled on the bottom, plump roasted chickens, perhaps seasoned properly, no less than three bottles of Elmer's Glue, and banana chunks inside the milk glue sauce. I have the recipe if anyone else wants to threaten their loved ones with this.
I know you are wondering what this could be. Is it an alcoholic beverage? A nice sipper drink? Something crisp and light? Then wonder if I actually would post something that easy? No, this a jellied soup made with halibut, fish bones, egg whites, lemon juice, white wine, gelatin, and various vegetables.
That looks like something that would grow out of a petri dish in a lab. Is it gram negative or gram positive? Are they rods or diplococci? Strep or Staph? What antibiotic would it work against best?
This is pressed alright. Pressed to the point to where it looks like the cross section of a brain. Then it's of course submersed in gelatin. We can't have a normal piece of meat now can we? It's nothing without the gelatin protective shield.
I guess maybe my interpretation of a plain omelet differs than that of the Patten industry. A plain omelet to me is just a bunch of eggs beat together, cooked, then folded in half. Not filled with cheese, mushrooms, fish, cooked vegetables, etc. Unless this is plain compared to what other omelets look like. That seems feasible.
Let's go through the effort to turn out a nice risotto and then stack it on canned corned beef.
The only hasty thing I want to see about this Prawn Curry is how fast it disappears from the face of the earth.
Another example of bird with bananas. At least you can see the bananas and have the option of not eating them.
This prawn looks like it is sitting on top of a pile of intestines and perhaps leakage from the intestines it is perching its prawny little self.
If you are going to share your dreams about cheese, I bet this is exactly what you would describe.
Eh, how about now? Is the cottage cheese going to help the corn digest better? With cottage cheese will undigested corn not be floating on top of your toilet? No? Okay there is no purpose for this unless you really have a ganderin' for cottage cheese and corn.
Why? An aspic made with a generous amount of gelatin, hard boiled eggs, capers, vegetables, over lamb and green beans? How about cutting all that out and just serving lamb and green beans?

I'm sure there are differences. Not the fact the mold is turned the other way or not as dark. Oh, the coffee jello mold uses real jello, real sugar, and real milk. That makes it all better!
Dumplings or not, I don't know anyone who wants to gnosh on an entire onion. I wonder if they use the same glue sauce as the Milk Chicken.

WHAT? You can use fruit and avocados in hors d'oevres now? I need to go alert someone. Fast.
I'm looking at this and I'm seeing a drunk party guest who, when nobody was looking, hurled into that plate. Food can look like food. It doesn't always have to look like stomach contents.
You are looking at this picture, shrugging and thinking that baked beans with mushrooms is not that big of a deal. Sure, adding anything to canned foods instantly upgrades it to "supreme" status. How about I tell you those are mushrooms and kidneys?
Nothing special about this. I just wanted to write the word "Bapburger."
In the USA we call those Candied Apples.
This was in a previous post dealing with these cards, but it was so yellow, my scanner didn't want to do anything but produce it in a blinding, soul sucking hue. Top is lime jello. Bottom is egg whites, lime jello, and sugar. Either too sweet or too gross.
I think we can all gather around this ring and think maybe it's not such a bad idea.
Reading the recipe, this is really devoid of anything but food coloring, milk, flour, and a whole bunch of flavorings like vanilla, cocoa, coffee, etc. I'm sure it has more of a purpose. Of that I do not know. 
 It was interesting to revisit these cards again. Yes, that means there will be more.

5 comments:

  1. YIKES! That milk chicken looks like spit covered chicken :P

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    1. Or something that rhymes with "you rock me" and starts with a B.. Eew to both :)

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  2. what is up with all the Jello? These people (from the 60 & 70's) loved Jello.

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  3. Oh these were hideous!!! Who on earth was coming up with this stomach-turning stuff? The jello/aspic thing has always been a complete mystery to me.

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  4. The coffee mold actually looks appetizing, and it's a much lower fat alternative to coffee ice cream.

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