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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I Saw Red (Recipe Cards #26)

I think I broke my blog :( One morning while waiting for my daughter to go to school I was experimenting with backgrounds and this goofy pink one stuck as well as the brief red flash that is probably an error I can fix and not some subliminal message making you shovel down Temptation Salads and Fish in Aspic. Just make sure you are not wearing your Silver Shamrock mask okay? I cannot bear responsibility.




Anyway,while you are mentally cursing at me for getting this song in your head, it's been a while and since my blog is broke, I thought I would do recipe cards again. We will be graced with the 1974 Weight Watcher's (not funny says an unpublished hater) and a few 1975 Betty Crocker Step By Step Recipe Cards. I need to do the WW cards because I started walking 3-5 miles a day and--no I'm not going to start making those recipes. And of course Marguerite Patten. I even added the recipes for those of you who are just dying to figure out how to make the greatest chaude froide chicken ever.

I'll figure this out. We can't be flashed by red and shocked with pink forever. I thought it was time for an upgrade and now I am in a bit of a pickle, am I not? Oh well, enjoy! The pink is there, the subliminal red flash is there, but so is the content you all have been anticipating. 

I'm going to start with the Patten cards. Because I am a sweetie, I am adding the recipes to a couple:

As opposed to nudity, this lobster's very nooks and crannies are coated and dressed with mayonnaise. I think I prefer my lobsters naked. With butter.
 
Cottage cheese is not only curdy white things used to describe the beginnings of a yeast infection. It can be made into a sauce for a chicken salad. I think I ruined that for everybody. 

While there's nothing wrong per se about the lamb cutlets, but the finger like splay of asparagus that makes me a little leery. Is it going to grab me if I tried to get a mushroom? Will it slap my hand?

Who doesn't like pie? Who wants some lemon raisin cheese pie? Any takers? Just a slice?
I hate clowns so this goofy ass cake belonged here too.
What better way to present a nibble but a little frankfurter and a pineapple chunk wrapped in a slice of cheese?

We think of cheesecake, orange, we think of a thick cheesecake base with a little orange flavoring added, orange zest on top. Reality says this cake is made of cottage cheese and orange juice and rind and topped with the rind itself.
Chicken Chaud-Froid Salad which means Chicken hot and cold Salad. This isn't the first time it has graced our presences. However, this mayonnaise and gelatin dream is allowing its secrets to be revealed with the recipe below:
You're welcome :) Anyone brave enough to make this, just remember: Pictures or it never happened!
Apples and folded fish. And they call it a salad. Okay. Sure. I can't wait to suck on those fish tails, crunch on some apple slices.
My first thought is what in the hell is an Elaroo and I did look it up. Then I realized there just aren't enough apricots glazing that gammon.
EHHHH How I loathe stuffed peppers. Took my Italian knowledge to see what made them Italiana. If you think then a sauce is made of tomato soup, dry mustard, sugar, vinegar, half and half, then Peppers Italiana you will savor!
The recipe for anybody interested.
Cottage Cheese and Salmon Mold! Yay! It's back! I loved it so much I posted it in a blog entry, on my FB page, and back on another blog entry. Who wouldn't love this? Just look with wide, shocked eyes at the recipe and clutch your pearls in anticipation. I expect to see a Cottage Cheese and Salmon shortage in this country!
While I'm quasi motivated to lose the gazillion pounds I've gained over the years, I look at the weight watchers cards and I think, maybe I'll just find other ways. 

Sour Cream Dressing. Dead on Arrival. Next. I won't mention the fact it is only made of cottage cheese and no sour cream is used.
If I am going to enjoy a zabaglione, it sure as shit better not be in quotation marks. Making it with artificial sweetener and egg whites is not impressing me much.
Because radishes are kind of hot and what better way to serve them with THINGS that shouldn't work in there. Being fat sucks.
Fellow fatties out there: You aren't eating caviar. I repeat. YOU AREN'T EATING CAVIAR! You are eating pulverized eggplant.
Don't quite get the Jackstraw reference but enjoy your liver in there. Lose a few pounds and you might get real meat.
I don't think Ganges means what they think it means. But if WW wants you to believe the shrimp you are about to consume is somehow connected to the Ganges River then by al means, enjoy and allow yourself to drift along your imaginary Ganges.
This just makes me starve to look at. I could be stuffing my face right now, but this is making me starve.
 I think I lost zero pounds by looking at those few cards but realized I can "reduce" without the aid of WW.

As you can see we've moved on to the Betty Crocker Cards and what have we here? A Daisy Loaf. Crafty Betty has concocted this large looking butter stick by adding sliced bread, filled with smoked beef, cream cheese, cheese spread, mayonnaise. Anyone want a slice?
That's right, meat loaf doesn't have to be in a boring loaf shape all the time. It can be spooned up and beany together.
For all you polenta lovers out there, now is your chance to eat Tuna Tomato Polenta. With olives.
Those mushroom salt and pepper shakers look like some sort of phallus. But anyway, this broke food is made with tuna, tomato sauce, cream of chicken soup, cheese, a few other ingredients and topped with corn chips. Be at my trailer at 6 if you want some.
Green Beans, American Cheese, mayonnaise, tuna, cream cheese, what more could you want to not have to eat? This sounds gross and it sounds like it could be a good threat to my over picky children.
Forget Sloppy Joes, you gag, can gag, have, gag gag gag Crabby Joes. Gag.
Creamy Ham and Eggs are way too creamy for my liking. EHH I see hardboiled eggs being sliced. I'm done.
Well I do hope you enjoyed. I'm going to work on getting rid of that red flash.

2 comments:

  1. The clowns on the clown cake look like they are reading to sacrifice a child to their evil clown god

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  2. I just found your blog through pinterest and I CAN'T STOP READING! !! This food is simultaneously disgusting and fascinating. How anybody ate anything in the 1970s is beyond me...LOVE IT.

    ReplyDelete