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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Sodste

Hello strangers! I know it's been a while since I have posted and if you follow my FB page, I have been keeping up with that. Over the past few weeks a lot has happened on an international and personal level. Here are my excuses reasons for not posting an update:

--I had a blown out of proportion health scare. In that sense, it was mostly me worrying there was more wrong with me than there was but it was enough to cause undue stress to me and those around me. More for those around me. I don't get sick often and I don't have things happen often and having lost my mother when she was 37 to colon cancer, every ache and pain I get is a self perceived death sentence.

--I took my daughter to see Jersey Boys. F-ck yeah! That is the only musical I like. Really, I am absolutely NOT into musicals. I'm more of a hard rock/heavy metal kind of person believe it or not. I bet that's the only time someone has said "F-ck yeah" when describing Jersey Boys.

--I went out of town for a few days. It's something I like to do every few months.

--I'm too old to go out of town for a few days. I had to recover. I don't know why I was so exhausted. I'm 38 and hardly an inexperienced traveler.

--Boston and Texas happened. I don't think anyone wanted me to be funny and even though I didn't turn on the news to see what was going on because I didn't want to watch the media pundits tripping over themselves and making them look like even more jackasses than they are. Apparently I was not to be disappointed.

--Most importantly, I had the BIGGEST case of writer's block. I could not think of anything to write about. That happens to me once in a blue moon. I looked through my books, tabbed my books, and thought of what I could do with what I had, but my mind was totally impotent and devoid of ideas. I could have presented a half assed blog entry with a few remarks about beefy turd food or some molds, but I would be doing all of us a disservice. 

Forgive me? It won't happen again. I think my brain is firing the way it should be (or shouldn't be for those who think my imagination is just crazy)

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. That all was way to serious for a silly little blog that that I've only poured my heart and soul into for nearly a year. I'm still going through the Family Circle Illustrated Library of Cooking, 1972. This time it's Volume 15, sod-ste. 

Soda Fountain Sensations: Ice Creams and Ices, Sodas, Shakes, and Sundaes. I included very little from this section because even though I can easily ruin a food group for others, I'm not playing around with my daggum ice cream. 

Soup Kettle: Thick and Thin, Hot and Cold, Instant and Old Fashioned. I never thought there would be anything to satirize about soup, but happily I found a few relevant pieces of info.

Steaks and Chops: Luxurious and Budget Cuts-A Collection of the Very Best Recipes. This is all a matter of opinion based on Family Circle's attempt to peddle their books. If the best steak recipe ever made, came out of one of these books, please let me know!

If the description is in quote--eh you know the rest. It came from the book and not me. I just expounded upon the description. 

Family Circle Illustrated Library of Cooking, 1972. Volume 15 Sod-Ste. Sodste. Another made up word that wasn't intended to be a word.
So many questions, so few answers. And this is one of those scans that could not be straightened out no matter how I tried. Really, that is a lot of questions being asked and if one didn't open up the book and go straight to the page, these questions would remain unanswered.
Ahh solid soups with garnishes a fright. The other picture of this has a life buoy surrounding the soups. They are lifesavers because they are chilled and served in the heat. See what they did there?  I'm a little leery of a solid gelatin soup with an egg wedge on top. I'm a little leery of all of those "lifesavers" come to think of it. I don't quite see the healing properties or refreshing properties on a hot August day.
Peppermint Snowballs. "A great way to beat the heat." Air conditioning and cold beverages are also a great way to beat the heat sans the lemon sherbet and green colored mint corn syrup drizzle.
"A mixing bowl is the mold for Hazlenut Cream Bombe." Bullshit! I call bullshit! How many nasty molded yuck craps have been photographed in this particular shape? Dozens. This looks like a mold where sliced fruit can be used on the top. Sorry, Family Circle, it may be 41 years but your lies are coming to fruition.
  
I really can't make too much out of this oyster chowder, but the lettuce bowls and peapod breadstick holder is completely fair game. Is it awesome or gaudy? I'm having a hard time here.

"Golden Turkey Chowder is a canned food quickie made in less than five minutes. All you have to do is open five cans (two of golden-mushroom soup, one of corn, two of turkey), slice a cup of celery, heat and stir." They had me at "canned food quickie." It's sloppily put together, of little quality, and going to make you hungry for more. 

"Scandanavian  Supper Pea Soup. A golden Blend." And what a golden blend it is! To get the soup to match the bowls to match the mustard. Highly impressive. Even the yellow in the paisley design matches the soup and bowls and mustard.


Peas and veal. How exciting.
Chuck steak with lots of beans. That ought to clear a room pretty fast.
Steak Madrid and Tournedos with Mushrooms Royale. By definition a tournedo is the center portion of the meat. Like a filet. So why in the hell would anyone want to ruin a piece of meat by stuffing olives into it?
Carioca Pepper Steaks. Slippery and fatty and looks like it was dropped in dirt.
Anchovy Steak with an impressive "olive and anchovy lattice trim." Who on earth has the time, patience, or desire to make a lattice trim using anchovies and olives? I applaud you while I admonish you from afar.
Pay no attention to that artery clogging fat in the middle, Oven Baked Cheddar Steak is unique. That's the eye on the prize. Unique.
Tournedos Henri IV. What that has to do with using a cheap cut of meat and claiming it is a center piece and drizzling it with an envelope of hollandaise mix, I don't know. I guess that goes in the category of trying to keep up with the proverbial Joneses. As long as it looks like something, and is called something, then it has to not be what it really is.
"This is a steak?" No really. This is a steak? Gourmet Steak Platter. This is a steak? The real question that should be asked is why? Followed by a what?
Rolled Stuffed Steakettes. Say it with me: Tuhds.
Yankee Berry Steak and Bavarian Steak Rollups. Sure. I'll play along with your silly little game too. What other reason would there to be to put berries on top of a steak? Damn Yankees. I know I talk like I'm Southern all of a sudden.
"To see how succulent, tender, and flavorful veal can be, give Broiled Veal-Vegetable Platter a try." Or to see how dull and uninspiring veal can be, look at the melons in the background.
Dixie Pork Chop Roast. This looked like anything but a pork, a chop, or a roast. It can go anywhere from a carcass in varying states or decay with an egg yolk, to overcooked beef, to I don't know what in the hell it is.
Well, I made do with what I had. I have to get back in the swing of things I suppose. No more month hiatuses. Thanks for reading and all of your support. I think my brain hurts from trying to be creative.

4 comments:

  1. WOW! That last pic of the chop roast looks like it's already been chewed while simultaneously being hacked up by a chainsaw

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    1. Thank you for being a second set of eyes. You said exactly what I wanted to :)

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  2. awesome or gaudy? the funniest!

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    1. I think I saw something like that on Mad Men. It was a chip n dip or something.

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