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Monday, January 14, 2013

The Great Outdoors

Hello! I hope everybody had a good weekend. We are all recovered from that horrible flu so it's good to see everybody running around and healthy

I haven't posted a blog for a few reasons. First off, I had too many ideas going on at once. Recipe Cards? Just did them. The remaining McCall's cookbooks? Some other time. A redo of an old Better Homes and Gardens book that was posted in an earlier blog? Meh. I did what anyone else would do and decided it was time to go to the thrift store. To my chagrin, I think I cleared out most of the old cookbooks at the area thrift stores. Someone needs to donate them. Chop, chop. My 11 year old daughter goes with me and knows what to look for and she found one for me. The Betty Crocker New Outdoor Cookbook, 1967. Excellent. I haven't fought with Betty in a while. 

First off, I am not the connoisseur of the grill. Never have been and have no intention of learning. The grills depicted in this book remind me of iron lungs. If I can barely handle a charcoal kettle grill, what would one of these be like for me? Burn baby burn. I think I'd like to keep my neighborhood intact.

Betty Crocker's New Outdoor Cookbook, 1967. Kids, don't try this at home!
If Betty Crocker is happy, then I am happy. After all, "she" just called me a friend. It's pretty fun to watch someone cooking over a grill in 105 degree Texas heat. I hate it when I get a boat and it lacks a galley. That's just a dealbreaker. Since these recipes have been tested a gazillion times, I feel assured of the success. Color hope yellow, Betty. Nobody turned to this book often. It did spark my imagination though. Betty did something right. I think I did a good job picking that little letter of encouragement apart.
One thing about me is I notice the small things and remember everything. While some could be enthralled by the color of the grill, the huge fat slabs, the display, the tongiest tongs anyone has ever seen, I notice that the coals are not lit, nor have they been lit. I see black charcoal fresh from the bag. Are you trying to bullshit me, Betty Crocker?
Peanutty Pork Chops. Personally it looks like a mutant with its mouth full of something and I don't know if I want to be in spitting distance of this beast.
King Arthur Lamb Shanks. King Arthur, fresh and hungry from battle, removes his helmet, swishes his long and luxurious mane free, and sets it on the table with a hollow clang. Triumphantly, he spears his three pronged fork into the lamb, chewing thoughtfully as he contemplates his next conquest.


Hot Dogs! Nowadays these hot dogs would be called "haute dogs" and people would pay top dollar for a well dressed weiner. Some are plum glazed, some have pickles, some have cheese, some have cantaloupe, some have the bun all fancy fancy.
The intricate art of grilling fish. Is it intricate? It seems like it would be if I had to base it on this picture alone. Why just have it look like meat when it can be grilled looking like fish fillets in a garden with lemon peel flowers?
Eh, maybe not. This fish has too much awesomeness. Hence the tail spillage coming out of the basket.
Whirling franks and pickles. I can hardly contain myself. Truly. Why did this idea not stick around? Hot dogs and pickles whirling around a grill while the bread toasts?
Potatoes and corn. Eh. Paul Bunyan Frank? Oh the things I can say concerning the endowment of Paul Bunyan!! My mind would go in less direction if it was called glazed bologna. Thank you Betty Crocker for giving me things to think about.
There's just something about the way all of the potatoes and corn (alternating of course) and pointed towards this turkey. Devotion perhaps? Are these the same potatoes and corn used in the picture above?
This is my 104th post. I've posted hundreds of pictures. Nothing has given me the giggles quite like this one. This "Pig" Roast on the turnspit and Betty's great idea to make this look like a pig with its carrot ears, raisin eyes, and overtly large apple in the mouth. Betty Crocker, this is bad even for all of you Betty Crockers. Snort. Giggle. Tears.
If someone would have told me that an eggplant is a festive and decorative vegetable for which to stuff croutons and shrimp and serve as a centerpiece around old beef and asparagus bunches I would have shrugged them off and pondered the possibility.
"Sloppy" Franks. Seriously? Really? You all have this fancy boat and doing fancy summer things and this is all that you can come up with? Hot dogs in tomato sauce and bottled barbecued sauce? Let's not try, shall we?
Camping! I feel this is the "first night out dinner" because the first night is really when anyone wants to cook anything like this. From then on it's camp food. No fancy cassoulet or brought from home pie. Beans and wienies. Hot dogs over the fire. Anything but this!
Okay, this definitely proves the type of bird being eaten. Was this really necessary, Betty?
 Good luck to any and all who thinks this book would be a good idea 46 years later.

4 comments:

  1. Pig Roast is The Best Thing Ever! Sort of looks like she baked a tabby.

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    1. I really think that is my favorite pic to date! It kind of does look like a baked cat.

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  2. Hahahaha - the picklells and hot dogs on the spit are hilarious!

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    1. Roasted pickles must have been all the rage in 1967.

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