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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Psst..Back and Sour Creamy

I'm back!! One ironic thing about writing a blog and scanning old cookbooks is that without a scanner, my blog is worthless. Sure, I could go from website to website looking for pictures, but everything I put on here comes from my own collection. Problem has been solved and I'm back! I won't bore anybody to tears about what happens when someone who is used to temperatures being in the 70s in January is suddenly exposed to temperatures in the teens. I tend to garner zero sympathy from those in those zones. 

Another thing I would like to mention before I go further and for those perusing my blog for the first time, I need to add a small disclaimer. Particularly for those Marguerite Patten defenders who like to leave paragraphed comments asking me how Marguerite Patten must feel knowing her work is being ridiculed. HA! I'm sure she has other things bigger and better in her life than my little blog and what I say. Good grief, I bash Betty Crocker like she's the epitome of all that is evil. Also, because I do not like to cook, I should have no business talking about cooking. 

DISCLAIMER: The Bad and Ugly of Retro Food is a blog based on a SATIRICAL viewpoint of old photography and recipe cards. At no point in any of my posts do I claim to be a foodie or a chef. In my blog, any and all food from mid 1900's is not exempt from my SATIRE. If there are any questions regarding the definition of SATIRE, please feel free to contact me. 

I should have done that a while ago. Anyway, if you are willing and able to look further, let's proceed. I don't normally like to call out those who comment, but it seems the Patten cards get the most outcry. They caught my eye for a reason. Maybe because the food looked ugly and bad? 

Anyway...

As you all know, sour cream and cottage cheese are two foods that give me le gags. It's time for me to face my fears with a quick post. Anything is quick after my previous post with my 80+ pictures. 

Knudsen Recipes, 1959
Does that say 11th Edition? Someone needs to go on an ebay shopping spree! Let's get ready to find out how glamorous a booklet from 1959 about sour cream, buttermilk, and cottage cheese can be. I like seeing how the word "gay" has evolved from happy to joyful, to homosexual, to stupid. If I had the prettiest apron to don, it's not going to be to throw something together with a container of Hampshire Sour Cream and a grin on my face.
This almost gives me a warm and fuzzy about the dairy industry.
Tiny Crabmeat Puffs and Spiced Ham Tidbits are particularly relished like men so you better make sure these manfolk have enough on hand or you will be a failure. No sugar coating it. You will fail. I do wonder if the weird serving plate was made with the intent of a pitcher and four glasses of glue surrounding it ever so correctly.
I kind of think I would prefer soup. Just putting it out there.
Cheese Aspic. Do my eyes deceive me? I have dozens of salad books with this recipe and never actually see a picture of one. Thank you Knudsen. Thank you for showing a picture of this layered Hampshire sour cream, cottage cheese, gelatin, bleu cheese, parlsey, pimiento, and celery chunks that are somewhere.
Cottage Cheese log. Some foods can be made into a log. Some shouldn't but somehow it looks like it would work. The little radish radish flowers have morphed into legs which gives it the potential to crawl and that has a creep factor there.
Jelly Fruit Ring Mold with Dressing. There are 24 litle balls of cream cheese disbursed throughout the ring of green. They are hiding within the pineapple chunks and mandarin oranges. There's a purpose for the sour cream and ginger ale mixture in the middle. What I don't know either. 
Holiday Frozen Salad. Because frozen cream cheese topped with sour cream and green cherries needs not be made the other 364 days a year. Please. I mean it.
You probably won't like what I am about to say about this Corned Beef Salad Loaf. I could stop at that but it's important to point out what looks like white tonsil stones are really cottage cheese curds.
Stuffed Pork Chops. Stuffed with what? Cottage cheese, mushrooms, and bread crumbs of course. I'm sure those pineapple chunks have a purpose in making this chaos even more chaotic.
Eggplant Meat Pie. If that doesn't make you need to scroll to the next pic, which won't be any better. In keeping with the topic of this book, there is also cottage cheese in the mixture. I'm not a judge of piecrusts, but that I believe that festive star created a crack in the crust.
Chicken Baked in Hampshire. Not enough pimiento olives. There needs to be at least another jar of them.
Burger Rice Casserole. It is surrounded by a cabbage fortress, peas in every crack and of course, Hampshire Sour Cream. Who's really going to eat this?
Beef Burger Roll and Shrimp and Peas on Muffins. This is supposed to be "elegant" but that's apparently subjective. What is considered elegant? None of the above? Okay. I'll accept that answer.
Tuna Cheese Cups and Chili Cheese Pie. Approved for Lent. Disapproved by me.
Not saying there needs to be a reason for Brussels Sprouts to be any more disgusting. Onion Cream certainly sets the bar of disgusting pretty high.
Potatoes Scalloped in Hampshire. Okay I can get past the strange shade of pinkish and the little pimiento arrangement. But I need create some confushion.  
Peas and Egg casserole, sure to be a crowd pleaser. Baked cauliflower below which bears a striking resemblance to the dish above. Not cool! They aren't supposed to look too much alike. 
Gone but not forgotten or even recognized by anybody born after 1960.  Tomato Steaks in Cream. Not just any cream, but Hampshire Sour Cream!
Hampshire Raisin Pie. Guess where the Hampshire is? On top! Peach-Cardamon Rice Ring. Yeah I think I'll skip dessert tonight.
  
Alright my fellow chubs, it's time to get real. Time to put the pounds behind us. Slurp down some buttermilk in between meals so your stomach can be full of curdling buttermilk. Sour Cream will slim you down so don't feel guilty about ordering anything Supreme from Taco Bell. Use it generously! Ever since I first read that a symptom of a yeast infection is cottage cheese like discharge, I decided I would never get near cottage cheese again.
 It is sure great to be back!
 

4 comments:

  1. As a low brow, and illiterate member of society, (and MENSA) I have but 1 question... What's satire..? Lol ;-P

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    Replies
    1. My guinea pig ate my Mensa card.

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  2. Fabulous! Someone really ought to have taken away their access to stuffed olives though. ;-)

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  3. But...but...where is the catsup? :)

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