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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Dark Side of Casserole Cookery

Hello everybody! I'm taking a little riposo from the recipe cards and going back to the old cookbooks for a few posts. I can't let all the rabbits out of the hat at once! Even if I do have a gazillion cards.

If you are like me, you might pull out the ole Rival Crockpot, toss a few things together, and have a meal in a few hours. It's pretty hard to mess up in other words.

I don't remember where or when this Family Circle Casserole Cookery from 1976 ended up in my collection. It was so sad and dark that it kind of just blended in with all the other books. Aren't cookbooks supposed to have some sort of color in the front? Shouldn't they make you want to snatch it from the bookshelf and eat the papers? Yeah, this one doesn't do that. It's just so devoid of color, thought, and inspiration. It makes me want to sigh a long and hopeless sigh. The sound of despair. 

Let's have the caffeine and happy music playing. It's about to get sad in here. 

Family Circle Casserole Cookery, 1976. Why is this so dark in the background? Are the bugs and rats being hidden? It's possible.

Brunswick Stew. Was this picture taken with a Kodak Instamatic camera? The 110 flim a little too slow? The flashbulb cube had all four sides flashed?
This chapter should put an end to those martyrs on a budget. We can all scrimp deliciously for 59 cents a serving. Bring on that Kentucky Tuna Casserole! At first I thought the picture was of a man with grub worms on him, but now I realize it's a cutting board. 1970s illustrations just work the mind, man.
Here's some properly scored knackwurst for the budget martyrs! Serve over cabbage. These sliced weens are a little bit enlarged. Probably the only color in this entire sad book.

If you substitute sliced horse cock (Thanks Dad for that), ham, or even quartered frankfurters, then can I assume it is no longer called tongue and potato casserole? Is that mayonnaise in the recipe? Cream of onion soup? Wha???? Please someone tell me it sounds good. Please, please, please!

Having spent 5 years of my life in Wisconsin, what makes this a Wisconsin recipe? And really, kids will make this? My kids won't make this one and they sure as hell won't enjoy it half an hour later. They are picky and for good reason!

This must have been temporary insanity. Americans are still pretty large meat eaters and most would still rather eat a steak than a bowl of beans.
Why no, I would not believe that this bountiful barbecued turkey came from a slow cooker. I guess I learn something new every day.
Help me out fellow Hoosiers!! I don't remember this being a famous dish in Indiana. Sure I only spent 19 years of my life there, but I don't believe this is what put Indiana on the map as a state worth visiting.
It's not your eyes. It really did get scary and dark in here. All that is to be seen is that plum decorated crock pot full of beef burgundy and special chopped mushrooms. WHAT IS THAT IN THE BACKGROUND? Is that a mold?
Because I'm sure the sauce was so delicious, it is recommended that you make Lamb Burgundy. Someone's going to be making a gelatin mold! Aspic for all.
A party casserole made so quickly the raw meat started to shed its roundworms. Screw food safety anyway. It all goes to the same place!
After seeing the raw meat and raw roundworms, I don't think I want to eat this. I appreciate the effort, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep my bowels free of parasites. No anthlemintics for me, thank you very much. The moment one of those comes out is the moment I don't need to live. Forgot the wussy budget martyr. Anyone who can shit out a bunch of roundworms and still live to brag about it deserves to be martyred.
Patio Enchiladas. That's putting it mildly. These are cornmeal crepes with a filling that amounts to chili and topped with olives and onions. Where the enchilada part comes from, I don't know. Maybe Marcy from yesterday's post had some change of heart. She still can't get an enchilada right.
My most important sense. I assume a casserole is done right before it starts to smell like charred food. I'm pretty sure my brand new oven has an accurate thermometer. I kind of do smell the fruits like pineapples first.There's one part that is right. My nose doesn't need to be trained to know what rotten fish smells like.
I cook roasts in my crock pot all the time. They never come out so artfully arranged with a thick gravy on top. I call bullshit on this beef a la mode pot roast. There had to have been some doctoring in this photo. Either that or I suck at crock pot cookery. I'll accept that as word too.
If you are not overweight, you need not read this caption that didn't make it into the picture: Dieters need not feel deprived when they can enjoya casserole as rich as Zucchini Bolognese. Apparently we are not people enough for the real food.
The holy grail for all dieters. Trim the fat from the meat, brown in a nonstick skillet. Why that one is there, I don't know. Maybe it was before PAM spray. Yes, I would love nothing more than cooked spinach replacing my rice. I can see the broths for cream substitutes. Low fat cheese is shit. Remove every speck of fat! Don't leave a morself for us fat folk to eat later.
If you can keep your eyes away from all the shiny stuff, there's a stack of Beef a la Lindstrom in the chafing dish. But it's so shiny. So very shiny.
    
Hopefully that only dulled your senses a little bit. If it did and you need a refreshing splash of color and hope, look below. I'm here for you! 


Have a great evening or day!! 


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