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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Recipe Card Redux #3

What better way to spend the last "official" holiday weekend of the summer than with my mustard yellow box of Betty Crocker recipe cards? Surely there are dozens of things to do. This is the third installment of the infinite recipe card posts and certainly not the last! These boxes of cards are, after all, what have started me on this crazy adventure. There's no going back. Rest assured, I will never feed this to anyone I know. I have the pickiest eaters in the world and should I attempt to make anything I am about to post, I might set them back a few years on their dietary progress.

I have plenty of books waiting for posting. The mustard yellow box was calling to me so I answered its call. I do understand that if this is true, I have bigger problems.

The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, 1971. Seriously, this box is the brightest thing in my room.

Green beans on hamburger meat. How clever and trendsetting to flip the bun upside down. Because really, when someone wants to enjoy a bunwich, it's best to not be conventional. Any and all distractions from the fact you are eating green beans and process cheese (whatever the hell that means) is necessary.
Three words that should not be put in a sentence, let alone as food. Cherry. Pineapple. Bologna. My father used to call it "horsecock". I'm starting to see he was right. The 2 drops of red food coloring in this recipe are going to make or break this. I have a feeling it's going to have this curvy shape coming out the other end too.
I think Betty Crocker had a secret hatred for men. This symbolizes the thousands of cookbooks making women feel like they need to be a certain way or they are a failure to their gender.
I have a guinea pig named Buckey. (look at my Pinterest page because he's my avatar). Over the course of a few months, Buckey had a lump on his back. I thought it might be a tumor. The lump got bigger to where it was the size of a ping pong ball. One poke with a #12 blade and this is what came out of the lump. I can still smell the anaerobic bacteria. It was not a tumor.
This looks like it took a lot of effort.
There are dozens of sections in this collection and Men's Favorites is the only one in bold. All hail the almighty wiener!
 

It's common knowledge that sight is one of the first parts of the digestive process. When the picture looks like Pizza The Hut from Spaceballs, maybe a picture is not the best way to get this recipe across. Who looks at this oily, bubbly, mess and thinks it would be a good dinner idea?

FRANKS AND BEANS!! Can you guess what movie this came from?

I get being on a budget. I know there are so many hours in a day. What I don't get, or want to, is the purpose of uncut zucchini, canned onions and ravioli?
I do not know one person, let alone 48 who would be hot-in-a-bun for this. Shall I get into the recipe details? Of course I should. Hot dogs, celery, salted peanuts, hard boiled eggs, chopped onion, 2 cups of mayonnaise, 48 slices of cheese because every hot-in-a-bun needs a slice of cheese.
Once again, chicken and maggots takes front and center. That hen in the background looks very smug. Pompous little bird. Nothing like seeing one of your own riddled with maggots. Your day will come too, Mother Hen. You are on borrowed time.
When I looked through the recipe cards as a kid, this was the most fascinating thing I saw. It was sparkly, shiny, colorful, reflected, magic! It contrasted the hundreds of crap cards. Now looking at this through the eyes of a 38 year old woman, I see frozen canned pudding in foil cupcake liners, a straw, and a whistle dangling from it. Being an adult sucks (frowny face)!! 
Not just shimmering, but SWEET!

Definition of PIQUANT

1
: agreeably stimulating to the palate; especially : spicy
2
: engagingly provocative; also : having a lively arch charm 
Enough said..
 
I can see it now. A cold January day in Chicago. Packers vs Bears. Coolers, grills, food to go around, laughter amongst the tailgaters. Then someone has to pull out this steaming hunk of meat. The tailgaters will remember you. Maybe they will marvel at how the olives made it in there intact. Maybe some will take pictures and Instagram them. Doubtful, but not impossible.

Too easy. Way too easy.
Such a depressing and apt description. It's the end of the trail. Hunk of canned corned beef, wedge of boiled cabbage. What reason does one have to live if this is what's at the end?
 I am going to warn you all in advance that I have another box of cards on the way *cackles in mischief*.

 U.N.T.

6 comments:

  1. I have recently acquired one Betty's Crocker vintage recipe box. I plan to try these recipes one at a time. Do you actually tryout these recipes from the vintage boxes or do you just make fun of them?

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  2. I am looking for a recipe that we used to make when I was younger. I remember it being in a card like this. And I remember it being a cassarole with beef, cottage cheese, cream cheese, tomatoe sauce, and other things... anyone have that recipe? Poohbe8703@msn.com

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  3. I am looking for a recipe that we used to make when I was younger. I remember it being in a card like this. And I remember it being a cassarole with beef, cottage cheese, cream cheese, tomatoe sauce, and other things... anyone have that recipe? Poohbe8703@msn.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Double Cheese Delight! Budget Casseroles, Number 7 in the Betty Crocker recipe box. http://www.food.com/recipe/double-cheese-delight-129083

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  4. I have this whole set of cards myself. In the early 1980s, I signed up to get the free box and a set of recipe cards every month until it was full. I have to say I feel a little defensive about some of your comments. There were different food trends in the 1970s and 1980s which are reflected here. We mostly ate home cooked meals every night and there wasn't a huge array of frozen or pre-made entrees to make it easier. We didn't have bags of broccoli, kale, or green beans all washed, trimmed and ready to cook in the bag. Many people didn't even have microwaves then anyway. Everything was made from scratch from simple ingredients and cooked on the stove. But if you look back, Americans have steadily gotten fatter in the last 30-40 years so we weren't doing that badly after all. BTW, the Cheeseburger Pie recipe in that collection is fantastic. I've made it at least 100 times and people used to beg for the recipe!

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