Meh, it was probably too long anyway so it's time for the second attempt.
Who remembers the 1930s? Me neither. I'm going to rightfully assume most of the people born during the time to be a housewife of that time are either dead or very old, perhaps too old to spend their remaining years reading a blog from some whippersnapper smartass born in the 1970s. Who remembers and follows the tired phrase "a way to a man's heart is through his stomach?" I don't either. If my husband's endless and unfettering devotion to me (I'm only saying that because he reads this. Love you, S.) is based on my cooking then he would be a pile of bones and bearing a sallow glint to his skin. His eyes would be glassy, his features pinched. I have other ways to his heart. Winkety wink wink. (Love you, S. I have to say that so he doesn't throw something at me when he reads this).
Anyway, I found this book, 333 New Ways to a Man's Heart and I had quite a lot of fun with it. Not only do I enjoy blogging about the atrocities of food, but I like to learn new things about our history. The one thing I can say about this book is just how WASP-y things were. Before anyone clutches their pearls, fans their faces, cries racism at the following pictures, please remember this is 1931-1933 I am posting about. Equal rights were still a generation ahead.
Please while reading this, pay attention to the wording in the recipes as well as the advertisements. It's really quite interesting to see the evolution of products we use today. Of course my satire will be included! This is a long blog post and I got to do it not once, but twice today.
|333 New Ways to a Man's Heart, 1931 (Third Edition, 1932) Uh-Oh. What is 333 multiplied by 2? 666. Oh noes!|
|The phrase "white people food" has never been so apparent as this little idea of WASP food. Caviar, hard boiled eggs, onions, mayonnaise spread on toast squares. No thank you. This sounds like a Dirty Dancing resort food.|
|Oysters. Lots of oysters. That's a good way to a man's "heart". My attention is more on the salmon loaf and salmon loaf, gelatine. That ought to get me ignored for at least a month.|
|Do I need any other reason to explain why I will not eat cottage cheese?|
|Because purity is most important. This book is so old there's no need for a zip code. And the book was free. No data mining email sign ups, Facebook likes. It was FREE. You didn't even have to pay for postage. Surely there was a hidden agenda.|
|OMG! A soap that CLEANS and BLUES at the SAME TIME!! OMGOMGOMG. I'll take another freebie, enough for a family wash.I need to keep my white silks from yellowing. A little Satina keeps the ole iron gliding easily. I bet it does..I bet it does.|
|Are these directions on how to cook children or cereal? I'm confused. Easily digestible foods are of utmost concern.|
|My eyes are straining as the print in the first paragraph gets smaller and smaller. Keep the name "MacFadden" in the back of your minds for now. It will come up again.|
|It's creamed. Mustard is another no eat so I'm going to continue.|
|Ehhhh..Anyway, back to 1931|
|Anyone want to take a stab at what this company is today?|
|Really? Is this the reason Ethel was hiding? I'm not buying this at all. Not for one second. But go ahead, 1930s housewife, grip Ethel's hand with enough force to inflict pain but not a bruise. If it makes you feel better. Ethel hates milk. Not you.|
|Eh, boiled hooves and pig's ass hair with bananas. Not impressed. Oh wait, it's chicken feet, hooves, and pig's ass hair boiled into gelatin. I'm sold on this idea.|
|The fear and pressure to succeed in one thing. That one thing is to produce an appealing loaf of bread. Just make sure to use the "creamy", unbleached goodness of Ceresota flour. Flour is creamy?|
|I always make sure my soap is 99 44/100 % pure too. Rounding it up or saying it's 95% pure would be tomfoolery!|
|Wow, you really opened a Pandora's Box with this one. Now corn syrup is in everything. Way to go! I wonder what would happen if a father dared try to send off for a copy of the advertised booklet?|
|I'm not going to elaborate too much. If you want more info on Bernarr MacFadden, here's his wiki page. Let's just say he could be described as the Dr. Oz/Kevin Trudeau of today. He changed his name to be more badass. Just look at him:|
|That's right. Only a man with those abs can get away with wearing a diaper.|
|Without the thought bubbles, I don't know who the giver is or the taker. Neither look convinced Mazola is going to take the place of their beloved Spry.|
|Screw that. If my husband is being "difficult" he will be lucky if he gets boiled chicken feet. I am glad to live in an era where I don't have to walk on eggshells and do my best to please a cranky man.|
Here's to hoping I don't delete this version!! The Save button is my friend.