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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Staying slim. Not becoming "slim"

The days of slurping down aspic, licking mayonnaise off the fingers, eating meat with more fat than meat, cream cheese lasagna, etc apparently caught up with the folks in the 1960s. Too many Tom Collins, Old Fashioneds, Highballs, and Manhattans must have caused people to take a look at themselves and think of what a fat POS they are turning into. I don't know. I was not alive in 1968. I believe my father was in Vietnam in 1968.

I know we are an overweight society. I know diabetes, heart diseases, early death, etc is a serious issue and has been for a while. However, I am looking at 1968 and not 2012. I am looking at how we have come with weight loss information. Note I wrote "information" and not how far it has actually gone because there are hundreds of reasons why we are an overweight society. It could be our diet, lack of exercise and it could be health conditions like hypothyroidism or medications people are on that slow metabolism. 

It's easy to look at an overweight person and think of how they got themselves to where they are. True, but what if you are looking at that overweight person and not realizing they have lost 50 lbs or have severe thyroid issues and taking an SSRI or something?

Stepping off the high horse, I am going to make a Better Homes and Gardens book the topic today. It's also easy to point out how none of this would work in today's society. It's also easy to take this book with a grain of salt and laugh at how ridiculous staying slim and not losing weight was. Naturally I have to find humor in these type of books. 


Better Homes and Gardens Eat AND Stay Slim, 1968. What? Both can be done? These recipes and menus will make you trim. Just wait. It gets better.

The first paragraph was a real head scratcher for me. Since when do we put the ego of the physician over our own health? And why would anyone let a doctor ruin their self respect? A doctor says you need to lose weight. Okay. That's obvious. Get your prescription, pay the bill and get on with your day. They aren't going to lose sleep over the fact you are overweight.  Really, I don't give a shit what happens to a doctor's overinflated ego when I leave that exam room. Doctors are a dime a dozen.


DO NOT CALL THIS A DIET! You need to reduce, not lose weight. It's not changing your lifestyle for health benefits. It is reducing! Reduce what exactly? Calories or fat? Both? Neither?

This about as telling as a BMI chart.
This entire page has a several things worth mentioning. First, the other page says a vibrator has valuable uses. That has several meanings. Doctors are seldom willing to prescribe diet pills. Too bad. A lot of overweight people have thyroid issues. Once the thyroid goes out of whack, the metabolism goes with it. I don't think doctors are too willing to prescribe thyroid substance for no reason. Body fires do not burn more brightly unless you want to count putting yourself into hyperthyroidism. If that's the case, I hope it's worth it.
The Food Exchange color code. I've read this book several times and it still makes zero sense. Maybe people stayed slim in the 1960s because they were starving themselves instead of trying to decipher this weird colored box code.
See what I mean? Who is going to go shopping and base their meals on a 1968 Better Homes and Gardens book that uses colored squares? Maybe it was the height of weight loss back then but it makes zero sense and it seems like more effort than it was worth.
Alcohol has always been touted as "empty calories". Perhaps that is true. I know in my case, it would never happen because none of these drinks would ever hit my stomach before my body rejected the alcohol and I went through the regurgitation process. I'll suck down 4 tablespoons of whipping cream before I drank a Tom Collins. Too much fun in my twenties.
1,000 calories, eh? Going through these recipes and deciphering the colored square system is going to burn at least half that. The fits of rage and hypoglycemia will consume the other half.
Glistening Beef-O-Mato soup is topped with paper thin lemons. Drinking something made of beef broth and tomato soup won't do it. The paper thin lemons are what makes this "slimming". Surely. (Purple square) Cuke-Buttermilk soup is buttermilk, cucumbers, and green onion (blue square). Nothing more refreshing than drinking salad dressing. It's appealing because instead of "cucumber", the word "cuke" is used. Kind of like calling vegetables "veggies".
Iceberg ring. Gag inducing lime jello with chopped up iceberg lettuce and green onion. (Green square)
I had to include a picture of "tuhds". (3 red squares, one brown square). Add the other half of the bun. Really. It's not going to tip the quarter pound beef burgers.
You know what would make this salmon more edible? If it looked like it was cooked a lot longer. That defines salmon pink. (3 red squares, half a yellow square for the dip).
YUM to the light fluffy plum whip that is made with cool whip, gelatin and whatever the hell dietetic red plums are. The kicker is that this recipe requires red food coloring. What the deuce does this look like before it is artificially colored? Tuhds? (one orange square)
RULES TO STAY SLIM!! Live by these and you too will reduce. Always for now and forever eat 1,500 calories but cut back after a weekly weigh in tells you that those 1,500 calories are too much. Don't forget the colored square guidelines that will confuse the hell out of you! Happy reducing!
Is it just me or does the woman above kind of look like she is sporting a camel toe? If not a camel toe it looks like she has a diaper on. Either way, I probably look better in a leotard and that's saying a lot. I don't know if Captain Moto with his high and stupid that is so flat you can easily land an aircraft atop his head fares much better in the motivation department.
 And now I am on the road to reduction because this book motivated me THAT much. 

Until next time. 

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