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Sunday, June 3, 2012

All in a JIFFY!!

Every minute counts in the world of yesteryear. Words and catchphrases like "jiffy", "dovetail food preparation activies", being free to be an "attentive" hostess which basically means cut corners and serve slop to your guests.

These are not my words. These are not my phrases. I either blocked "jiffy" foods from my memory or my mother did not cook them for the family. 

The cookbook used will be the 122th Better Homes and Gardens book that I have found. Maybe I'm exaggerating that number a bit, but every thrift store I go to in search of these books has at least one that I have to grab. 

Better Homes and Gardens Jiffy Cooking, 1967
Fix hearty Meat and Potato pie using frozen has browns, pie crust, ground beef, and onion soup mix. Add some GENTLY warmed catsup (don't overheat it and it's not KETCHUP), a spiced peach, and a sprig of parsley. You know where I'm going with this..And by the way, this takes an hour to bake so I'm not seeing the jiffy in this.
Holy horsecock, batman! Sorry, that's what my father used to call bologna. The gist of this jiffy idea is to score and curl a bologna ring and perch it atop canned potatoes with cream of celery soup, devilled eggs, and of course a parsley sprig. Can anybody find a 14 oz bologna ring? It's not something I look for when I shop. Fresh potatoes probably cook just as fast but canned is JIFFY.
Seafood bake with lemon twists, wine, spiced peaches and parsley. It's a JIFFY idea to open a can of cream of celery soup, canned crab meat, and canned shrimp. I am imagining the tinny scent of canned foods baking in an oven and I don't like where my imagination is taking me.
This is for an informal teenager's record party. Yes, what better way to have funny things posted about you on Facebook than to have a record party and serve Pickle Sickles. Parents, lock up your prescriptions because the only way your teenager is going to eat this is if they have taken copious amounts of narcotics and benzos. Just give them pizza money. It will go over better.
Quantity of time is not indicative of quality of food put out for those you love. Dry onion soup mix, canned meatballs, canned cream corn, and canned tomato soup does not a meal make. Nobody is going to think to add that popcorn to it. They might eat the flowers and crackers first.
This take on a perfection salad is enough to make me call it a day. Instead of the normal ingredients like cabbage or something, it calls for sauerkraut. Serve with horseradish mayonnaise and hope everybody's bowels do not purge this from their systems at once.
I have nothing but sympathy for the person who has to grab the middle sandwich and find the squished dead spider underneath it. Look before you leap!!
The caption under this picture literally says "Crab bisque is as simple as open the cans and heat with a gourmet touch of wine. Several variations of cream of crap soup with fake crab meat cannot even call it a bisque in the academic terms. It shouldn't be anything. The thought that someone created this and called it a bisque is chilling. I personally thought that bisque is not a JIFFY food.
 In closing, there are other ways to make something edible in as much time as it takes to open a can. It takes as much time to use fresh ingredients than it does to try to find cream of shrimp soup or gently warm catsup (not ketchup).

Until next time...

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